Does a wishlist even work?
Or am I just doing it wrong?
I’m writing this post in the hope of gaining more clarity in how I can use wishlisting in a way that's actually helpful to me. Or maybe it’s just not for me??
I have kept some form of wishlist since 2012. In the beginning it was a generic list of 10-15 items categorised by needs and wants and functioned more as a loose guideline. Now among others inspired by Harry Hadfield and Anna Newton it has evolved to a spreadsheet with a multiple of columns and drop down menus, and I’m not even sure it's helpful. Does every new column just add to the confusion?
My wishlist currently contains about 26 items. In some ways it doesn’t seem too bad, but it still feels overwhelming to me. What to focus on, what to remove, what is a good, thoughtful purchase?
The wishlist is a mix of generic and specific items - none of them would probably be a bad addition to my wardrobe, but in no way I want ( or am able) to add all of them. Half of the items I don't remember before actually looking at the wishlist, but then I go oh yeah, I did want that and it would make a great addition. But if I had forgotten about it, was it even that important? Or does the wishlist just become a reminder of things to want?
I’ve tried filtering my wishlist by season and making categories like practical need, replacements, expected low CPW, so I'm only focusing on what's truly a gap. But if I only focus on my practical needs and replacements like hiking pants and a half zip sweater - does that take all the fun out of it and leave no space for the joy of fashion?
Should I rather take a more intuitive approach to shopping and focus on the items that I keep thinking about (and probably will buy in the next couple of months) like a black v-neck cashmere sweater and the half zip sweater, as I get annoyed every time I have to wear the too small one? Are all the other items I (maybe indiscriminately) added to my wishlist just noise? Or are the items like a leopard print belt and gold statement earrings the spice?
oritising between the practical and the stylish (and more enjoyable to shop for) is hard for me. I struggle to find the balance. I furthermore have a hard time removing things from the list, as I’m reminded that I want them. A few things have been marked as not relevant anymore. Others have been assigned to “Next year” but still the list feels too long and uncurated.
Maybe if the items sit on the list long enough they will become irrelevant? Or should I be much more discerning BEFORE adding a piece to my wishlist? At the moment it’s a bit of a catch all for all kinds of desires. Maybe having a cooling off period or a pause before adding an item is the part of the answer. E.g. If I still think of a piece after a week, I can add it to my wishlist?
A lot of people use a list of questions before buying something, but a possibility might be to ask myself questions before actually adding to the wishlist. Like a test an item has to pass? Or maybe the columns on the wishlist should be those questions??
This is still a work in progress, but some questions I’ve been considering are:
Does this suit my lifestyle? I also thought of asking: When would I’ve worn this is the last year, but that doesn’t allow for a changing lifestyle)
Does it fit in my curated dream wardrobe? I’m not sure this could skew towards a fantasy self. Other related questions could be: Would I keep looking for a better version? or Would future me thank me for this purchase?
Does it help me move towards my style words?
Does it fill a true gap in my wardrobe? Not all purchases have to be for practical reasons, so should I even include this?
Would it enable me to make 3-5 new outfits?
Which questions would you add?
These are of course all questions of whether or not an item would work in theory. Some things you only can know when actually having the exact physical item in your hands and on your body.
Writing this post and being brutal with the filters made me realise that the answer in some way was there all along. It’s not that the wishlist per se isn't working. It’s that I didn’t comprehend how to utilise my own filters properly. When setting the filter of the recently added column Need in the next two months (need taken with a grain of salt) I discovered to my surprise that these are the items I’ve been intuitively thinking about. But the question is: if the filtered wishlist items and what I’ve been intuitively attracted to are almost identical, is a wishlist even necessary or useful for me? Is it just noise? Maybe the other columns can help prioritise which item to look for first?
But what about the spice and the fun? Fashion is meant to be fun! I’m never going to truly need a leopard print belt or a statement pair of earrings. But I might intuitively know when it’s right to purchase the pieces that add the flair.
I’m still not fully decided whether or not a wishlist is right for me - or if I just need to approach it differently in order to make it work. Having had one for more than 10 years, I’m still not ready to abandon it completely.
In all this confusion I reached out to Maureen Welton from Intuitive Style to get her take on wishlisting and an intuitive approach. She uses her intuition to decide what to add to the wishlist. One part of her answer especially resonated with me:
“Listening to my intuition doesn't mean not planning, it means paying attention to my circumstances vs solely jumping at the pretty things I see online (which may not actually suit me or my life)”
She even afterwards posted a newsletter about wishlisting. I found it quite interesting that she included things that make it easier to get dressed in her definition of Needs, which means that a statement belt can become a need. It’s about the gaps you are experiencing in your wardrobe:
“At the core, needs are the things that make getting dressed easier, that address the root challenge you may be experiencing. […] a need could just as easily be a super funky expressive handbag, if that’s the real gap you’re experiencing right now. Intuitive dressing is about identifying for you and your real life, asking ourselves, “What are the gaps I personally experience when I’m getting dressed,”
Maybe a way forward would be combining a planned wishlist and using an intuitive approach. Focusing on the gaps I’m experiencing, whether or not they are a practical need. I think I’ve fixated too much on the practical needs and not taken a broader perspective of what a need can be and what getting dressed involves. Fun pieces can contribute to making getting dressed easier and getting more wear out of the clothes I already own. There needs to be room for both practical pieces and the fun!
I would love to hear from you: Do you use a wishlist or do shop more intuitively? How do you curate your wishlist? Any suggestions for questions to ask before adding an item to the wishlist?
Ah, great topic! For the first two months of my no-buy, I opted out of my Wishlist entirely because of my no-browsing rule. I felt keeping a wishlist had to go hand in hand in hand with browsing. I was wrong! I now have a wishlist in Notes on my phone of the few things that keep popping up in my mind when I get dressed. They’re things that I think would help me get even more out of what I already have. It’s a mix of practical (tank tops…I only have nursing tanks currently) and fun (leopard sandal w/ kitten heel). I do best with a super simple bullet list. I don’t think there is anything wrong with impulse shopping, but a Wishlist is the best way to make sure I’m investing in things that will really add to the fun, and not the overwhelm. I am so impressed with the color coded systems, but I know I would overthink them!
Love this! I use a wishlist but a visual one. I do think about the items, but not this rational in needs/wants. Maybe I should try it :D I think all the items on my wishlist are wants, I do not have needs at the moment I think...
Questions I thought off where:
When will i wear it? is it a staple for me? Do i tend to wear 'insert item'?
- Does it fit my current wardrobe? Can I easily style it with the items that are currently in my wardrobe? or is it hard to style?
- And maybe most important, how does it make you feel when you see or order it? Some items give you that real excitement, like doing a happy dance, say things like 'WOW, I LOVE IT!!' showing the item to others to show how perfect it is haha etc. Most items don't give me this feeling, but I do want specific items to do this, maybe the want items or the items that give the wardrobe some spice. You feel it inside. Learn to trust this feeling (that's my style intention/lesson I want to learn).